Realizing What Drives Me

The other night I was sitting with a friend talking through various aspects of life. The struggles I’ve had here in Austria and who I am as a person were parts of that conversation. A conversation that led to my realizing what drives me to do what I do, as well as a person.

I sat there and spoke with absolute earnestness while not getting emotional about things. It was incredible, but utterly draining. To the extent that I fell asleep almost immediately after she left. Something that is unusual for me, since I seem to normally thrive on a lack of sleep.

Since then, I have been reflecting on that conversation. Which is equally exhausting. We spoke about friendship and expectations, cultural differences, mental health, and so much more. Although exhausting, it was simultaneously refreshing; something I’ve been needing for a while. Both the conversation and the introspective reflection that occurred thereafter. 

It’s what led me to realize what drives me. Part of what drives me at the very least. If I’m being honest, I don’t believe that I would have ever come to the realizations I did if I hadn’t started getting proper treatment for my ADHD.

So In Realizing What Drives Me, What Did I Learn?

It’s a well-known fact that I come across as an asshole at the best of times. I can be distant and unapproachable to those that don’t know me. I’m honest, straightforward, and cut through the bullshit. 

It’s something that I’ve known for a long time that I use as a shield. If I let people in and am truly vulnerable I will get hurt. It’s the exact reason that over time my expectations of people have turned to hopes. The only real expectation I have these days is that everyone will eventually leave or discard me after my usefulness expires. 

A pessimistic viewpoint, I know. Yet it is one that protects me from experiencing the pain I have in my past.

I’m not easy to talk to. I find small talk extremely cumbersome, surface-level, and useless to the most extreme degrees. 

Although I’m not easy to talk to, I am, seemingly, one of the easiest people in the world to open up to. Something that’s been apparent my entire life.

However, if I am mistreated, disrespected, ignored, or betrayed it is easy for me to drop anyone like one would a hot rock. I’ve cut out more people than I care to admit, easier than shedding clothes.

How do these things pertain to realizing what drives me? Well, we got talking about how with the people I love or care about I am incredibly loyal, reliable, and, for lack of a better word, helpful. If you can get past the hard, abrasive, spiked shell and bear with the intensity of my personality, it’s usually worth it.

I care. Perhaps too much. It seems like I don’t, but I do. I don’t want people to experience the pain and suffering that I have. 

It All Comes Together, I promise.

I’m sure there are people that have experienced far worse than me. I would never discount that. Furthermore, I’ve heard some stories that give me pause and others that horrify even me. 

Perhaps I’m not even one that can really speak to pain and struggle. After all, I’m doing well and have gotten as far as I have. I have a room over my head, clothing, food, and clean water. It’s been years since I’ve had to live in my car. My mental health is getting better; It’s by no means perfect, but it’s being worked on.

Yet, I have this innate desire to help others. Not have them go through the pain I have gone through. Certainly not through worse things. I see it, I understand, I can’t help myself, but try to help.

So what do I mean by “realizing what drives me”? I now know that I am happy being a rock, sounding board, advisor, or whatever may be needed even if it requires sacrifice and pain on my part. Probably not the healthiest thing and something that, upon reading, my wife thinks I should talk about in therapy.

I’m willing to hurt so that others don’t have to. That’s what drives me.

What Does “Realizing What Drives Me” Have To Do With Nomadic Inscriptions?

This answer came to me later. Later than it should have, in my opinion. It’s so obvious that it’s painful.

I do what I do so others don’t have to. The Nomadic Inscriptions Choice Awards were made because I had been through really shitty experiences. Some places that have received awards from TripAdvisor and Hostelworld have been the grossest, rudest, or downright worst experiences I’ve ever had.

So I don’t stay in those places unless recommended by you guys. I try out all sorts of places so you don’t have to go through that pain. I put myself through the good, the bad, and the ugly so that you don’t have to.

With the places that we give the awards to, if they don’t maintain their standard of excellence then they will be struck off the list. There will be a list of all the winners in the Choice Awards tab. The ones that don’t maintain that excellence won’t be taken off; They’ll be crossed off.

That pertains to both travel and tattoos. A bad experience can both literally and figuratively scar someone for life. Trust me, I would know.

Yet, tattoos have an extra thing paired with them. I believe it would be an absolute travesty if the cultures, traditions, and histories of tattooing got lost to time. Every loss of history we allow is a painful wound. I don’t want the beauty of tattooing to go through that. That form of art has such incredible histories. Without them, the surge in acceptance and popularity tattoos have received are meaningless.

My Dream For Our End Game

In my realizing what drives me is wanting to help people to the point of being willing to hurt, so they don’t have to, I have come to realize many other things. One of those things heavily pertains to the reasoning and goals behind Nomadic Inscriptions.

Initially, I thought Nomadic Inscriptions would be one thing. I sincerely believed it was going to be a childish, selfish endeavour. One fuelled purely by my desires. I was in a shitty situation both when I initially started this site and when I decided to dedicate myself to it.

Why do I tell you this, knowing it makes me look shitty? I believe in authenticity. Something I cannot promote without being as authentic as I can. To me, part of that is sharing my inner thoughts and my struggles. I want to connect with you and for you to see me as the person I really am.

So that’s what it started as. At some point, it developed a bit and I shared some of our goals and made a commitment, both on the site and in our welcome campaign for email subscribers like you. 

To tell you the truth, I’m not entirely certain that when initially making that commitment, it came from the most sincere place. I think it’s possible that I did it because it seemed like the right thing to do.

However, now I can say with the utmost certainty and conviction, it’s there for the right reasons. 

My end goal for Nomadic Inscriptions is to use it to help people. 

Help People How?

Well, there’s the obvious answer. Help people travel more, travel safely, travel cheaper, travel affordably, travel prep, and see things they never thought to. To help people prepare, decide on what to get, go through the tattooing process, take care of their tattoo, and find amazing artists. Help people connect with different cultures, traditions, and histories. Help people by gathering histories, cultures, and traditions that are both about tattooing and not, so that they won’t be lost in what we call “progress”.

Yet, those are just a part of it. I want to really help people. I want to at least attempt to make the world a better place. Even if only by a slim margin. 

To me, that doesn’t just mean giving to and partnering with different charities.  That’s the bare minimum. I want to help people personally. In whatever way I can, whatever way we can. There is not a single person on the Nomadic Inscriptions Team who doesn’t wholeheartedly agree with this goal. Nor will there ever be in the future.

Currently, I’m not entirely sure how this will look. I know that I want and plan to bring food to tiny, remote villages when going for some of the more obscure traditional tattoos. Yet, that’s not enough. It’ll be but a stepping stone in progressing toward this goal.

We here at Nomadic Inscriptions want nothing more than to help the world become a better place for everyone. Something we believe will be needed with the direction the world’s been heading lately.

Hopefully, you will join us in our goal. 

Joining our newsletter is a great place to start.

Thank you for taking the time to try to understand the conclusions I came to in my realizing what drives me.

Until next time, stay authentic, stay Nomadic, and let the world inscribe itself upon you far more than you inscribe yourself upon it.